[best]Friendship Equation
April 16, 2008
* Please note that equation does not include time,
which will play an important factor and is not restricted on any scale. <3
seven
April 15, 2008
I think 7 may just be my new lucky number… and April my new favorite month.
I was thinking today about how I feel fine about everything, I’m genuinely feeling happy again. After a few other thoughts I came to the conclusion that right now it’s due to obtaining closure from two boys that did a little damage to my heart. It took me 7 months to FULLY get over both (even though I started denying feelings after like 2 months…hah) Anyways, the first never really had closure until about a month ago, and I’m really glad we are friends now. The second one was the other day… I know what caused it, but I’m not sure why it took THAT to have it finally click.
I don’t really care to question too much, I’m just enjoying that all this baggage is lifted off my shoulders. I think I can finally be open to having a relationship again some day.
And since I’m blogging, I might as well talk about how Spring has been driving me crazy with thoughts of last year… [being kicked out, listening to Mika, failing math, buying a car, moving to Arizona…] I miss those times, even though they were somewhat traumatizing and painful, and I especially miss Arizona. But I am happy with living a stable life and being content with where I am.
for right now. 
Question:
April 12, 2008
Maybe you can love too much.
Maybe you can question too much.
Maybe you can expect too much.
Maybe you can give too much.
Maybe you can know too much.
Is it possible to love and care for someone so much that you start to hate them?
I’m beginning to think so.
When it gets to the point that you can’t live with or live without someone…the friendship becomes a lose, lose situation. After all the hard work and effort, you refuse to give up because of how far you have actually come.
But when does it come time for you to give up? Now? Possibly never?
I hate having these thoughts, but I really cannot go on hurting like this time after time.
Airborne ezeee
April 10, 2008
So, I am sick. I got this little clingy beast on Monday night. I thought I could fight it off with some airborne, but I heard that only works if you use it basically BEFORE you get sick. I’ve been using it anyways. I also got these cough drop medicine things which taste delicious. Left work early and got a bunch of rest on Wednesday… Also took an antacid pill… BAD NEWS [tmi] i think the acid was eating my throat and causing me to lose my voice. oopsie. heh. I woke up feeling so much better today! This is the fastest cold I’ve ever had! I’m so excited!!
So I added schools to my FAFSA the other day. UO, PCC, and possibly lane. I forget. OSU or ASU too. Anyways, I really didn’t want to go to UO since Jeremy did. I thought it would freak him out or something, and be all concerned with me being around all the time. But I finally made the decision to just see how much money I could get and not worry about all that stuff. I honestly know that I will not be around all the time, so it’s not something to worry about. I really like so many people down there! The environment is just so different, and I really like the campus. I’ve been thinking about PSU and how, yes, I love the city… but it is just SO busy and I get frustrated every time I am down there! I also think that UO is the right distance away from home to start with. I keep hoping to move to Arizona some day… but that is just SO far away from this side of my family and friends. I think distancing a little bit will give me time to adjust and yet still feel comfortable.
What the hell.
Maybe I’ll just go balls out and move to Arizona. Take a year off to work and gain residency, then go back to school.
Maybe not.
Eighty-Three
April 5, 2008
It’s 83 degrees in Arizona right now… like seriously, come on!!
That does not help with me being content here!!
Wayne is leaving tomorrow morning to go to Aspen until June. I’m kind of sad about it, so I will go home after work to spend a little time before I zoom off to Eugene….again. I’m actually irritated to go a second week in a row, but I have so many valid reasons that it would be stupid not to. For real.
Speaking of which, I’m nervous about these up coming weeks for things I don’t want to mention. I think they will be okay… and I am going to read my books and start up running again, so I will be somewhat busy. They are nice ways to relieve stress as well.
Crap… I have homework to do before I leave later. YIKESS.
pssh. I’ll do it sunday when I get back. I already started my radon test so I’m fine.
Oh, and not to name any names since he might read this, but
I BROKE UP WITH YOU BRADLEY! not the other way around.
I need to make a phone call.
Fortune Cookie
April 4, 2008
“You will be rewarded for your hard work this past month.”
uh, unless I’m going to be rewarded for all my bitching and moaning, I don’t think that one is going to come true anytime soon.
This leads me to a random thought I had, I believe on Easter Sunday. I realized the Bible is like a horoscope. Like, if you seriously think about it… The Bible tells you the future, and better than a regular horoscope, is actually true. Well, for Christians anyway I guess. But whatever, it’s crazy that God knew everything that was going to happen before it happened. I’m not going all crazy on this though and taking everything as a God sent sign like some Christians. I’m just saying that the Bible is really cool.
I like sushi. A lot. I had it a couple nights ago, the california spring rolls or something. The three bite sizes I got (which were like 6 bites for me) were the perfect amount. Speaking of which, I realized last week that when I eat, the taste overpowers me by the time I am done and its just like, gross. But not these sushi bites… it was the perfect amount.
I was driving this afternoon and a song came on that was popular over the summer (I forget which one specifically) but it really made me miss arizona. Super hard. I’m not exactly sure how I feel about this… Especially since I know I have a couple places I could live for a bit, but I wouldn’t really want to… It’s sort of like the whole moving out dreams thing, I’m just not ready for some reason. sigh.
I really want to start reading my books and running again. I did pretty well a few weeks ago, but then spring break happened and my priorities changed. So tonight I made a decision to add them back into my priorities once again.
i eated my cooki
spanish word of the day: Agradecido
April 3, 2008
These last few days have been pretty good again, I think going to Eugene was a nice get-away.
In January when I was really close to moving out I had a dream that I got a hamster. I bought it for like a dollar and the people gave it to me in a bag, like they do for fish. Anyways, after some time I started freaking out in my dream and stressing about not being able to take care of it and worried I would kill it. I went back to the pet store upset and told them to keep their money but to just take it back because it deserved to live. After I woke up I looked into this a little bit and thought it had something to do with me not being ready to move out.
Last night I was talking about how Michelle would be the perfect roommate and the whole opportunity seemed hard to pass up, but for some reason, it just wasn’t on my heart to move out and I don’t feel like it is quite time yet. Then I had another dream. This time I bought a bullfrog, which I was kind of afraid of because they just look scary, but that’s besides the point. So apparently this bullfrog fed on grasshoppers and pray mantis, which I could not feed to him for two reasons. I didn’t want to touch the bugs, and I also didn’t want to kill them. After freaking out that my frog was going to die because I couldn’t feed it, I went back to the pet store and told them to take it back.
I woke up afraid of frogs.
Anyways, I really wish I was ready to move out, but for some reason, I just do not feel like it is my time and will just trust that God has a better opportunity around the corner. There has to be some reason I am not following through with it even though it sounds like a good idea.
Oh, and, I broke up with the boyfriend today. He was just too much hassle. I think he likes this one other girl anyways… hopefully that will work out for him. HAH. jokes. jokes. But it’s actually sort of nice that all the fakeness is over. But don’t get me wrong, just like any relationship, it was nice while it lasted. : )
AND I MUST document that I got a package today. My beloved camera and these really awesome tinkerbell bottle cap stickers that I have been eying in stores. They mean a lot to me. No, really. It’s…. It’s like a long distance hug. For the heart. Something like that. : )
Thanks for my blog, dearest. : )